"I have been in hell since I was 12 years old trying to change my desires. I married .. and dated as many men as I could in order to change my desire. I have cried out to God with such vengeance that my heart was breaking. Mark, I have anguished over this for many, many years. I am a Baptist, I have denied myself so much that I am in constant anxiety, pain and suicidal. I have been concerned about God since I was 10 years old, and He is extremely important to me, extremely, and pleasing Him is extremely important to me...I am in terrible pain Mark, extreme pain, this is not a light theological argument for me, this is my life."

"I don't want a reply, especially if it's to tell me I am wrong, have been told that ALL my life in one form or the other, that is precisely why I have such turmoil within me Mark. I simply wish that straight people would please understand that this is not a flip decision that people make to 'live in sin' Mark. I just need to be able to have the freedom to talk with God and have Him help me through, surely He will do that?...I am in a very personal struggle right now."

Mark replied: "you claim to be a Christian and certainly you will not hesitate to see what God wants to teach you in His word. Please read the following verses.." The last thing she needed was more scripture whipping that Mark takes so much pleasure in doing. Mark represents many Christians that would drive some of God's children to such deep despair. I believe such action by Christians is much more an abomination to God then loving gay and lesbian relationships!

You are responsible to God for driving people from his love and you ignore Christ's teaching of love over the laws. All for a supposed sin that is no greater than the sin of greed, pride, women having short hair, speaking out in Church, mixing wrong fibers together or eating lobster which is more an abomination than supposedly homosexuality!

Now lets look at this same lesbian a few months later after much love and ideas from some of us terrible liberal Christian perverts on Prodigy:

"I went to MCC and I was stunned. I have not felt that peaceful in a church. I did not feel looked down upon, unusual, condemned, hopeless, judged, or headed for hell. Tears came to my eyes numerous times just from the idea that God can love me too! I was in awe as I looked around at everyone and I felt so accepted, so loved - just as I am... That is the first-ever- I have felt loved in a Church and the first time I have ever experienced that God may indeed love me also. My spirit was dying of thirst when I went in. It meant so much to me this evening, a lifeline back to God."

She found the loving God and Christ she knew was there, but could not find with all the sick Christians in the way. Fundamentalist teachings were much more of a sin preventing her to experience the love of God then the sexual orientation God gave her. In her words again:

"I want to let all you kind people know I am realizing that I had never met God, but I had a bad case of Religious Addiction to Fundamentalism. I have been in the Church since I was 10. I have never seen God as love, not until I came here and met you all. I believe that God is going to bring me through this and I will get to know Him, without all the diseased people in between Him and I. I believe that my main objective today is to work myself towards a healthy spirituality, which for me, means breaking the chains of my fundamentalist roots".

"I am through with this hypocritical life. Either something is terribly wrong, someone has misread the Bible, or there is an awfully cruel God, I have determined that option 2 is the most likely. I WILL pull myself from this cult, I WILL become a whole person, and I know that this will be accomplished with God's love and guiding hand. He has already guided me to you (support on Prodigy)."

"And when I get through this completely, I will be a stronger women, a more courageous person, and a proud lesbian...and somewhere down the road I will, God willing, be a factor in another women's oppressed spirit finding freedom from this bondage of religious addiction." She now wants to reach out and show other lesbians the true love of God and Christ not the judgment and self-righteousness of many Christians.

I ask: When you face God, who would you rather be. The condemning Christian, or the hurting Christian lesbian that now rejoices that God loves her as she is. I'd rather be the hurting Christian lesbian.

Her experience and quotes used with her permission and her tremendous encouragement to use, wanting to reach other hurting lesbians and gays in Christ's love.